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求帮忙改第一次写的托福作文.

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求帮忙改第一次写的托福作文.
it more important to understanding ideas and concepts than learning affect?内容如下:
Students always feel conflict on the fundamental issue such as whether to stress more importance on ideas or concepts understanding or facts learning in their daily study life.However,it is obvious that we should take the balance between the two basic parts,for ideas and concepts work together with facts to promote each other,making the process of learning more efficient.
Firstly,understanding of ideas and concepts make facts you take for granted learning more comprehensive.Something may get clear in students’ mind suddenly after they have learned a key concept or idea.For instance,when I was on kindergarten,I knew that climate across our motherland are quite different from region to region,but it is just a common sense because I had visited to mountains and rivers all over China with my parents and the fluctuation of climate was just what I experienced myself.However,as I grow up and went to middle high school,I learn the climate in
geography class.I began to know that many factors influence climate in an area,making it quite various from each other,for example,altitude,monsoon,distance from sea,and so forth.Soon,it stroke to my mind that it is the reason why I can experience the different climate at the same time as I traveled across the extensive land.
Secondly,facts often take important role to help ideas and concepts understood more easily.When students learn foot in the door effect and prizing low effect in social psychology class,they may be confusing about the two strategies for their definition in textbook is similar.Both of the concepts begin with a minor expense.However,when teachers remind students of salesmen’s strategies in daily life,the two confusing concepts become understood and distinguished.Most of us have following experience,when somebody ask us to do a great favor for him or her,we may reject as the concerning of expense of us own.However,if we have receipted a minor requirement,the same favor that has been rejected before seems to be acceptable.That is what
so_called foot in the door effect.As to prizing low effect,it is even more common than the precious one.If you decide to buy something for its’ low prize and then find there is much additional expense,I’m sorry to tell you that you are cheated by the strategy of prizing low.
As you see,concepts and ideas understanding and the learning of facts do promote each other as students try to grasp new knowledge.If we combine facts with abstract ideas and concepts,it is much easier for us to learn both of them.
求帮忙改第一次写的托福作文.
大半夜的太累了粗略看一下
如果这是你30分钟限时写的话真的水平很不错了.
语法错误非常少(看得不仔细不敢说没有) 概念也比较清晰
说些不足.首先字数略少了点.虽然到了字数要求但再多点会更好
词汇用的很高级,但是还是有非常多的词可以替换成更好的
然后最后一段开头As you see这么口语化的句子最好不要用.不过无伤大雅
总体来说第一次的话真的非常非常不错了
PS:再粘贴到软件里检查了下细小的语法错误非常多.非常细小.单词拼错都很多.不过还是无伤大雅.仔细看看好好改改
再问: 不知道能不能帮忙给出一些替换词汇的意见???