托福作文批改Do you agree or disagree with the following statement.

托福作文批改
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement.
The ability to adapt to new work environment is as important as a high degree of excellent knowledge for the job.
When you doing a job, there must be a large amount of difficulties you have to overcome. One of these difficulties is the change of working environment. Therefore, the ability is actually an important skill that can help you become successful. But, compare with the excellent knowledge on work, the ability of adapt the working environment might be less essential. Because if someone has no knowledge for the job, even he can adapt his environment, he can’t do his job well. In addition, the knowledge can help you adapt the environment.
First of all, please imagine the following situation, someone who has good ability of adaption. After he adapted his new environment, what’s the next step? All right, he has to work. So, if he doesn’t have knowledge for his job, he can’t accomplish his work. On this event, we can see that doing work may little influence by the ability of adaption. The knowledge and experience of work are the most essential factor to become successful on your work.
The second reason, I consider that, the knowledge for the work can help workers adapt their environment easier. Why? That’s because they are effective on their works. So they can save a lot of time. Whereas they are not good at adapting the change of their environment, they can save a lot of time to do the adaption. On the contrary, those people who are originally have great ability of adaption, after they finished their adaption quickly, what should they do? They must earn knowledge. So it is absolutely that learning something must be more difficult than adapting new environment.
In a nut shell, even the adapting skill is significant, the knowledge of work is much more essential. Before thinking how to adapt your working environment, becoming knowledgeable is more important. This is the first step to become successful on work~

请你以后打这个问题的时候就要注意,字全部糊在一起你难道不觉得恶心吗.
大概只是简单改了下语法什么的错误.还有就是把完全不必要的句子都用灰色划掉了.
 
痛苦之处是,你没有分段.所以我只好随便代你分一下,你就凑合看.【考官是会各根据段来略读,不会这么好脾气一点点看仔细的.】
 
圈了一处语法错误极其严重的,其他的还好【判断与发的标准是一下子能否读懂意思,相信我我要是执着的看了很多次还搞不清楚你的意思那么这个就是真的有问题】【注意介词和固定搭配】
 
还有就是,不要以为你的写作水平能高过考官,你不是他的boss,使用大量的口语化语言并不会显得你很地道,反而真的很土.【杜绝没有意义的口语】
 
最痛疼的是逻辑的硬伤.不要“首先,因为可以省时间,所以可以省时间,结果就省了时间,由此可以得出,这个可以省时间,我的论点是,这个真的可以省时间；其次,就是它还可以省时间”……【←这个例子比较极端,但是逻辑真的有缺漏!】
 
举例完全没有说服力【不幸,既不具体,也不合理,脱离实际,臆想痕迹严重】←虽然托福例子是可以随便举,但是你这个太随便了
 
不要随便下定义,你的观点只是观点.【用定义来论述与下定义完全是两码事好不好啊】
 
顺便建议一下,请立场坚定.不要讲什么xxx也很重要的话.【当然不是说这么说不行,只是由于你逻辑不行,说这个就是添乱】
 
不要随便用网上的固搭和模板【相信我,虽然我没有认真备考过托福,什么是模板还是可以一眼看出来的】
 
论点请丰富下【不要用证不出来的或者站不住脚的】←我会不管自己怎么想直接写可以证明的方面,虽然有的时候本人并不赞同这个观点.考试的时候构思尽量不要花时间.
 
既然以上出现了这些问题,我就假设你没有限时写的这个.注意考试时和你真实能写的字数会有差别.【请限时哟~】←我只考了两次,独立写作一个是688字一个是702字,在家是700字左右,算是比较稳定.同城一个变态写到800+的字数. 当然不是说字多多益善,但是不要像你的这么少会比较好（重申下我用灰色删过了）.
 
 

你以后考别的或申请或大学生活都可以哟~
再问： 谢谢啦~