紧急...请帮我看看这篇文章有没有什么错误或是不恰当的地方.

紧急...请帮我看看这篇文章有没有什么错误或是不恰当的地方.
Long long ago,I had a dream to make a swing in my bedroom.Now,I am glad because it has come true.
On National Day,my family moved into a new house,so I can realize the dream by this chance.My father and I made the swing together.We went shopping for wood and rope.In the end,we did it ourselves succussfully.Consequently,after finishing it,we got a huge sense of achievement and satisfaction.The swing,I like it very much.
The swing reminds me of my childhood.Of course,the time in my heart was soft and sweet.When I was a little child,I always went around with a group of elder brothers and sisters.They took me outside to be close to the nature.We chased butterflies and dragonflies,we waded across rivers and streams.It made me happy.I never forget the time that we tied a rope to the tree and used it as a swing.We played on the swing and laughed all the time.Our world ,surrounded by warm sunshine,lovely animals,green trees,and beautiful flowers,happy with the voices and laughter.But now,the time was gone.It can never come back again.
When we are growing up,we become busy.It difficult for us to enjoy the time as what it looks like in our childhood.Obviously we are losing more and more innocence.But ,perhaps we can still keep childlike innocence,have a small simple dream,like a song sings"I was a little girl alone in my little world,who dreamed of a little home for me.I played pretend between the trees,and fed my houseguests bark and leaves,and laughed in my pretty bed of green.I had a dream that I could fly the highest swing."
Some dreams are big,while others are small.For me,the simple dream and beauutiful memory can make me forget all my problems.They help me relax myself.
如上.这是下周一要做的presentation.
要求：
请大家帮忙看看有没有什么语法错误.
或者时态上用得对不对.
还有就是句子、段落之间连贯、通顺不?
还有就是结尾了,我感觉不知道该如何结束,所以,顺便大家也帮我补充补充哈.
如果在presentation的开头要说这篇文的topic的话,那该归纳成什么呢?childlike innocence?还是a simple dream?或者是the swing?
出现错误或是不连贯的地方,请帮我修改一下.

Long long ago,I had a dream to make a swing in my bedroom.Now,I am glad because it has come true.
When I was young I always dreamed about making a swing in my bedroom.Now I am glad that my dream has come true.
My family moved into a new house on the National Day.So I was able to fulfil my dream this time....great sense of..I like the swing very much.
The swing reminds me of my childhood when my heart was soft and sweet.I used to go around...They took me outdoors to get close to the nature.chased...and waded..those things made me happy.That world was surrounded..the time is gone..
When we grow up,we get busy.to enjoy the time as we did during childhood.As we grew up,we gradually became more sophisticated....(have a small simple dream 句子语法有问题)
句点后面空两格.写的还不错.