帮我雅思作文打分!7 in many countries,the proportion of older people

帮我雅思作文打分!
7 in many countries,the proportion of older people is steadily increasing,does this trend make positive or negative effects to society?
There is no doubt that the aging of population has become a public focus on which people retain different views.Professionals claim that this trend may lead to a variety of social problems,some people,however,argue that there are some advantages instead.Personally,I am of the opinion that the increasing aging population is negative over all.
To begin with,the boom of the proportion of older people will result in the decline of our total GDP,as a large number of citizens get retired and there is almost the same quantity of people in the school,so limited population have to create wealth for a vast number of people.It cannot be denied that older people may suffer from more diseases than the younger,people have to be confronted with the shortage of medical equipment and the imperfect of the medical insurance.Further more,old people may be afflicted with loneliness.It is reported that the suicide rate of the old people in developed countries remain at a high level.Old people may not used to live without doing any job and they may hardly find a company.
However,the aging population has some upsides.It contributes to more employment opportunities for the youngsters,and in the information age,youth may be more adaptable and easily deal with the work.It can be clearly
From what has been discussed above,we may draw a conclusion that the weaknesses of the aging population society overweigh the strengths.therefore,the whole society should pay attention to the problem and try to weaken the harm it brings.

Hi, overall, a good effort. Not many grammar mistakes.
I would give you 80+.
I have made some editing/suggestions. See below:
Good luck
There is no doubt that the aging of population has become a public focus on which people retain different views.
Professionals claim that this trend may lead to a variety of social problems(.) Some people, however, argue that there are some advantages instead. Personally, I (hold0 the opinion that the increasing aging population is negative over all.
To begin with, the boom of the proportion of older people (to the rest of the population) will result in the decline of our total GDP, as a large number of citizens (become) retired and there is almost the same (proportion) of (the popuation still studying) in schools. (Therefore), a limited population (will) have to create wealth for a vast number of people. It cannot be denied that older people (are more prone to illness)than the younger (generation). People have to be confronted with the shortage of medical equipment and the imperfect (balance) of the medical insurance.
Further more, old people may be afflicted with loneliness. It is reported that suicide rates of (elderly) in developed countries remain at a high level. (Elder) people may not (be) (accustomed) to live without doing any job and they may (be) hard (for them to) find a (companion).
However, the aging population has some upsides. It contributes to more employment opportunities for the (younger generations), and in the information age, youth may be more adaptable and (settle in easier into the nature of their) work. It is clear from what has been discussed above, we may draw a conclusion that the weaknesses of the aging population society overweigh the strengths. Therefore, the whole society should pay attention to (this) problem and try to (prevent it from growing bigger).